5 Great Places to Take a Woman on a Date to in New York City

By Teddy Shabba

As the largest city in the United States population wise New York City has plenty of beautiful women for a man to date.
However, some men get a mental block when it comes to things to do and where to take a woman on a date. With that in mind, below you will find a list of 5 great places to take a woman on a date to in New York City.

1. Central Park Conservancy Tour- Taking her on a tour like this allows both of you to discover the park's history, design and ecology. Also feel free to wander off together on you own and discover the park in your own special way.
2. Brooklyn Botanic Garden- A 52-acre living museum where beauty, romance and fun is already in place before the two of you even get there which means all you have to do is join in on the fun with her.
3. Tour of the Grand Central Area- You and the woman of your dreams at the moment can explore the architecture and social history of the Grand Central Area.
4. National Museum of the American Indian- The tow of you can explore Native American arts, artifacts, film and photography at a price that can't beat; Free!
5. Wave Hill- Enjoy spectacular views of the Hudson River at Wave Hill which is an acclaimed public garden and cultural institution which overlooks the Hudson and Palisades.

As a man, living in a city as big as this one you quite literally have an endless amount of options when it comes to places to take a woman on a date. Yet, once you learn what it takes to actually attract women you will soon begin to realize that it doesn't matter where you take her because what she really wants is to be with you.
Teddy Shabba is a Dating Coach for Men who has a daily newsletter that provides you with a wealth of information on how to be more successful with women. You can sign up for the Teddy Shabba Dating Advice Newsletter for Men now.
To learn more about How To Attract Women visit our article section Attract Women Today
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Beautiful Things to Say to a Girl

By A. J. Smith

I think most guys can think of something really mushy to say to a girl they like. Or, they can try to recite back something that they have heard from a movie or something. I don't want to go down the road of giving you the typical generic thing to say to a woman you are attracted to, so I want to be a little bit creative with this list of beautiful things that you can say to her.

Here are 5 beautiful things that she will enjoy hearing from you:

1) "You are right and I am wrong."

When used in a situation where you are really wrong and she is really right - she'll think it is one of the most beautiful things that she has ever heard. I know, it's nothing like telling her that her eyes look like the ocean or something like that, but trust me - it is rare for a man to be able to say that he is wrong and that the woman is right. She'll like it.

2) "You are so smart because... "

Don't just tell her that you think she is smart, tell her WHY you think she is. Any guy can blurt out something about her being smart, not every guy can actually back it up with a reason why he thinks that way. You want to know why this is going to sound beautiful to her? Because it is going to sound meaningful and not like you are just plucking words out of the air to try and suck up to her.

3) "You look adorable when you are mad" (smile on your face)

This is a good one to pull out anytime that she gets a little bit mad at you. She won't stay mad if you say this with a smile on your face and you can make her laugh. Why is this such a pretty thing to say to her? It lets her know that you are not the kind of guy who has to try and "win" an argument. That makes you seem like relationship material to her.

4) "You know what? We'll hang out with your friends tonight."

This is good to drop on her when you usually don't want to hang out with her friends. Like it or not, a woman's friends are important to her and if she thinks that you can't get along with them - she just might start to rethink whether or not you and her are going to work out. You don't want her to think things like that, so let her know that you are cool with the idea of spending time with her friends every now and again.

5) "I love your hair that way. It makes you look so... "

Giving a generic compliment like, your hair looks nice is something that any guy can do. Telling her it looks nice because it makes her look a certain way is a little bit more flattering. It means that you put some thought into it and just like telling her she is smart and then giving her a reason for that, it also seems like a totally genuine compliment that she will definitely appreciate coming from you.

Here are 20 questions that you can ask her: http://fantasticflirt.com/lets-play-20-questions-to-ask-your-girlfriend/ and if you want to know more about how to win her over, read this: http://fantasticflirt.com/how-to-win-her-love-5-suggestions/

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Cole Porter's Song "True Love"

By Garry Gamber

"True Love" was written by Cole Porter and performed by Bing Crosby and Grace Kelly in the 1955 film, "High Society," which also starred Frank Sinatra and Louis Armstrong. "True Love" was the first and only gold record for Grace Kelly and was the 21st gold record for Bing Crosby. The song stayed on the charts for 22 weeks, rising as high as number 3. "True Love" was nominated for an Academy Award as Best Song in 1956, although it lost to Doris Day's "Que Sera, Sera."

Cole Porter was a highly experienced songwriter when he wrote "True Love." The decades of the 1930's and 1940's were full of Cole Porter hit musicals. During the 1930's alone, Porter wrote music and lyrics for ten Broadway musicals for New York and two film musicals for Hollywood.

Cole Porter was born in Indiana in 1891 to parents who were wealthy. He received an extensive musical education, learning the piano and the violin by age six. His favorite of the two was the piano which he practiced two hours daily. By age ten he was writing words and music to original songs, and by age seventeen he published his first song.

Porter also received an impressive academic education which carried him through Yale and into Harvard Law School and the Harvard School of Music. While at Yale, Porter became the president of the Glee Club and a cheer leader, and, among the 300 songs he wrote while at Yale, he wrote two football fight songs that are still played today. Despite being the roommate of Dean Acheson, the future Secretary of State under President Truman, Porter dropped out of Harvard Law School to continue with his music education.
After World War I, Porter moved to Europe where he met and married Linda Lee Thomas, a beautiful and rich divorcee and a descendant of the Lees of Virginia. Their relationship was a loving, supportive, lifelong partnership. Cole Porter was gay and had numerous male interests which Linda had agreed to allow. However, the marriage was at times unstable when Porter's gay interests threatened the couple's carefully maintained social appearances.

Following their marriage in 1919 in Paris, the Porters lived an extravagant lifestyle in Europe through the 1920's. Their palatial home in Paris had floor to ceiling mirrors and zebra skin upholstery. Later, they moved into a famous palace in Venice where their lush parties included fifty gondoliers, circus acrobats, and a ballet company. They also built a night club outside their palace which accommodated 100 guests.
Back in New York, Porter's first few contributions to Broadway musicals were poorly received. However, by the end of the 1920's Porter gained recognition, and through the 1930's and 1940's he was one of the brightest stars on Broadway. He worked excessively and tirelessly on his musical productions and spent time in both New York and Hollywood.

In 1937 a terrible horse riding accident crushed both of Porter's legs. As the story goes, while waiting for hours for help to arrive he composed the lyrics to a verse of his song, "At Long Last Love." The accident left him crippled and in pain for the rest of his life. He underwent more than 30 leg operations until his right leg was finally amputated in 1958. Following his leg amputation, Cole Porter dropped out of music production until his death in 1964.

In 1955 Cole Porter wrote the lyrics and music for "High Society," starring Bing Crosby, Grace Kelly, Frank Sinatra, and Louis Armstrong. The film was a musical remake of the classic 1940 award winning movie, "The Philadelphia Story," which won a Best Actor Oscar for James Stewart and which also starred Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn. "High Society" featured nine musical numbers, plus there were five additional songs written by Porter which were not included in the movie.

"High Society" was one of MGM's greatest musicals. Grace Kelly was the movie's luminous star, and the romantic exchange with Bing Crosby in "True Love" was one of the movie's highlights.

Here are the lyrics to Cole Porter's "True Love."

Sometimes wind blows
a new moon moves at last alone
feeling far above her
oh how lucky we are
while I give to you
would you give to me
true love true love
so on and on it will always be
true love true love
for you and I have a guardian angel
on high with nothing to do
but to give to you as you give to me
love forever true
love forever true
for you and I have a guardian angel
on high with nothing to do
but to give you as you give to me
love forever true
love forever true
give me more true love oh yeah
true love true love
true love true love
got to give me your oh yeah oh yeah
true love true love
true love true love
for you and I have a guardian angel
on high with nothing to do
but to give to you as you give to me
love forever true
love forever true
love forever true love.
********************

Garry Gamber is a public school teacher and entrepreneur. He writes articles about politics, real estate, health and nutrition, and internet dating services. He is the owner of http://www.Anchorage-Homes.com and http://www.TheDatingAdvisor.com
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How To Make A Girl Fall In Love With You

Author: Vlad Karl

Let's get started. Getting a girl of your dreams is much like getting the car of your dream. But unlike a car which you can always bargain for, there is nothing like a 20 percent discount in courting the girl of your dreams, she's so sweet a thing to be discounted, you dearly are in love with her and your feelings for her can only be communicated not by the words of the mouth, but by the words of the heart. Getting the girl actually depends on how big your heart is - faint heart, never won fair lady.

The first dating idea for any man is to make a good impression. In your doing so, you don't have to talk, dress or do the common things that all the Toms do to get a decent girl's attention. Be unique, that's all you need. Be a man of his own style. Dress decently - indecency can make one be mistaken for arrogance; watch your language - obscene language gives the impression of immaturity, being uncultured and cheap; be a man of good habits - don't drink or smoke like any other loser.

How to make her fall in love with you? Take your time. Add some romance to your dating style. When in College I had a crush on the most beautiful lady in our first year lot. Though all senior guys were out to get that girl, I managed to divert her attention from the other guys. I wrote her three letters without disclosing my identity and slid into her room secretly; all I said was 'Yours Secret Admirer.' The first letter contained the meaning of her name, this I got by playing around with the initials of her name to make meaning. The second was a funny message that could only be read backwards and it was all about her physique and her smartness. In the third letter I told the girl to be ready to receive a rose flower from her admirer, but only if she could be kind enough to phone him using a number that I had included in the letter. The girl did phone me that very night, and her first words to me were, "Hallo Secret Admirer." So, the story of our love affair came to be. Later she told me that was so creative of me, no one had approached her in that manner. I made her fall in love with me and made a date in the romantic manner.

Befriending and understanding the girl you are out to get is the next important thing. This is what I also did. You have to understand that as a lady, she loves to be loved, adores to be adored and needs to be needed. This will move you closer to the girl and you'll get to know what she's into, what she likes and dislikes, and what her style is. Love is built upon friendship and it always leaves individuals better off having known each other should they break up. I and my College steady were to break some time later but to date, we are the best of buddies. Be sure that bringing out the selflessness friend in you will make her create room for you in her heart.

A shoulder to lean on and some good friend that she can always turn to is all that a lady wants. Please don't hesitate to be helpful and supportive. Be that friend who rekindles her zeal of hardworking and restoring hope back into her life when she looses hope. This above all other things will make you her daily vitamin simply because you bring out the best in her in terms of personality and character. In you, she'll have found that friend whom she can open up to, share with and advice each other on the rights and wrongs, the dos and don'ts of life. Don't forget to always be there to celebrate the good times, and to lend an ear when the girl needs you to listen as a friend.

Make the girl feel special; because she's someone's friend - your friend, and let her know that she too has touched your life in a unique way like no one else could. Compliment her for her company and for being there when you needed her, when you felt sad and all alone. Show appreciations for the comfort the girl offers you and for making you smile.

In your day to day talks, share your dreams, your world, and every aspect of your life with your girl. Always dream with her, build with her, and always cheer her on and encourage her. Tell your girl how you always think about her even when you try not to think about her. Let the girl know that she's your first thing in the morning and the last thing when you go to bed at night.

Her knowing that you were thinking of her when you slipped beneath the softness of your blanket and gave in to the bliss of sweet dreams, will make her go 'my my' and her heart will sing your name all the year round.

You have to be creative and constructive to keep girl's interest in you so full of life. I remember one time I told my girlfriend to be to imagine we are both deaf and dump. We then sat opposite each other on the table and started sharing our feelings for each other using eyes and hand signs. It turned out to be some fun. There was also this time that we were in the library and we decided we are not going to speak to each other verbal, so I wrote a love note on a paper and passed it across the table to her, she replied and on and on we carried on our love on paper conversation till we almost exhausted a whole rim of paper. At sometime, I noticed that some guys sited with us on the table were enjoying our ordeal than their studies. Such are the things that made the girl embrace my world. I remember her suggesting that we play deaf and dump two years after we broke up, can you imagine that?

Never fail to phone her, even when she least expects it. I once called some girl that I was interested in at four o'clock in the morning. When inquiring of what I was doing up so early, I told her I was in thirteenth heaven, where people think of their loved ones when they can't sleep. Wow! First thing early the next morning, she was at my door with a king-sized hug for me. No matter how many dates you take her, don't make any elbow - exceeding moves after any date, just drop her home and with a friendly handshake, wish her good night. Don't kiss her when she expects you to. Your respect as a gentleman will be earned on how patient you are with her when it comes to such matters as kissing her and accessing her inner graces.

The writing is on the wall that you want her, but you can't have her just yet. Increase your demand. Try to show her that men are also hard to get at times. Make her realize that when she feels a little dizzy, a little tired, a little sad, a little sick, a lot bored and very much cold, she's actually missing vitamin you. By this time, she'll be so much into you and since love is truthful and is characterized by open and honest communication, honestly promise her your everlasting devotion, loyalty, respect, and your unconditional love for a lifetime. Prove to her that you'll always be there for her, to listen and to hold her hand, and that you'll always do your best to make her happy, and feel loved.

Remember, patience is the key to her heart; be like that gardener watching a fruit as it hangs on the tree, day after day admiring it, but, exercising tremendous self-discipline, neither feeling the fruit, nor pinching it, nor testing it to see if it is ready. And then, one day he holds out his hand and the fruit simply drops into it, ripe, warm and eager to be eaten.

The patience and self-control which you practice will make you more attractive and charming. This will qualify you as her daily vitamin and win you that heart hers.

I wish you to meet the girl of your dreams ASAP, make her fall in love with you, and make her feel the happiest girl in the world!
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About the Author
A writer Vlad Karl maintains a dating, friendship and love relationship columns on http://www.meetingland.com

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5 Techniques on How to Make Girls Like You - How to Get Her Attracted to You Now

By Shaun Michaels
The eternal question of the century guys are dying to solve: how to make girls like you? One sad fact about all this is that girls are actually pretty easy to please. Wanting to attract many girls doesn't need a lot of Physics or riddles --- it all starts with you and you alone --- right attitude, mindset and of course, self-love. If you lack all three then there's your answer, dude. It's not them, it's you. Now before you start wailing "What's wrong with me!" better do something else --- it's always never too late to do the right thing. Welcome to your major make-over. Here are the top five techniques on how to make girls like you --- now!

• Get real. This is always the number one sin most guys commit when they want to impress girls --- they start to pretend to be someone else. Although it's pretty normal (and quite hard to stop) our first instinct is to act cool, tough and definitely not us around the ladies. Well, here's one secret you should know by now --- if you really want to act cool, get real! Being comfortable with who you are not only makes you more at ease with being yourself --- you also start becoming attractive.
• Ditch being self-centered. You go out with a girl and you carry a comb down your sleeve and you can't seem to stop the urge to stare at anything with your reflection on it. Not only do you appear crazily conceited --- it's a hint that you got big insecurities that you need to settle with yourself first of all.
• No to beer and smoke.Vices are normal and they're tolerable. But when you're out in a bar or club and you actually want to start attracting women, you better go easy with the drinks and smoke --- it's a turn off, believe me. A few shots and up to three sticks would be okay but beyond that and you'll start to reek of alcohol so there's no wonder she's fleeing away.
• Don't appear desperate. Wanting a little attention is reasonable --- heck, why do we go out to go partying anyway? It's when you start appearing needy and desperate for it that makes a girl feel totally repulsive and downright turned-off. Relax man. The night is young and everyone wants some hangover once in a while. So stop the fuss.
• Stay calm and collected.Getting nervous and antsy around girls? Take a deep breath and focus. Organize your thoughts. Forget thinking about getting laid tonight --- instead, why not go out and meet people and actually have a good time? Laugh, chat and get acquainted --- it's one of the things that really matter anyway. Once you detach yourself from being too conscious on impressing women, you'll practically start impressing them --- without much of a sweat.

Do you want to become a master when it comes to the art of flirting? Are you still hot for more attracting women tips and lessons on how to make girls like you? Unravel more secrets of seduction by visiting my website right now. It holds all amazing techniques on how to be great and sensual with women you thought you'd never get a chance with!
If you are truly serious about mastering the art of attraction and being able to date and seduce ANY girl you want, visit this free website now and get a free report: Master Online Dater.
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Why Do Girls Like Jerks? 5 Reasons Not To Be The Nice Guy

By Andy Yang

"Do girls like jerks?" This is a question most of us ask ourselves when we see a hot girl dating a guy who is known to be a prominent jerk. Well, unfortunately, the answer is "yes" they do. Girls do like jerks and most guys are dumbfounded by this fact, especially the Nice Guys.

So why is being a jerk is attractive to hot girls?

A few years ago, I asked myself the same question: "why do girls like jerks?" They're associated with all of the bad qualities of a guy. They're inconsiderate, mean, rude, selfish, and some aren't even that good looking. Even still, girls want to be with them. Not only that, girls are magnetically attracted to them. Weird right?

For me, it took years to understand why girls like jerks. But let me try to explain what I learned in years, what you can learn in minutes.

Basically, what attracts men to women is extremely different than what attracts women to men. Men, in general get turned on by a woman's physical appearance. Besides the face, nice body, nice boobs, and nice butt are three things we look out for in particular. Women, on the other hand, do not get turned on exclusively by a man's physical appearance. Women get more turned on by how a man behaves. For most guys, this is the very reason why we do not understand why do girls like jerks.

So, if you're asking yourself "Do I need to be a jerk for girls to like me?" The answer is "no." But you should at least have a better understanding of some of the core qualities that most jerks possess that girls do like:

1. Alpha Male
Women go for the Alpha Male of the group. The leader. The dominator. If you compare jerks to the Nice Guys, 9 out of 10 times, jerks will display more leadership and more dominance than Nice Guys.

2. Security
It's natural for a woman to want to feel secure at all times if possible. Naturally, women want to be protected and being with a jerk gives them the feeling of security. Yes, jerks may be mean and rude sometimes, but at least they won't back down when it comes to sticking up for the girl that they're with.

3. Confidence
Girls love confident guys and most jerks are confident, if not over-confident. Jerks talk and carry themselves in a way that screams "I own this place." Girls do not want a guy who is unsure of himself.

4. Unpredictability
Jerks are unpredictable. Without even trying, jerks always keep a girl guessing. They do things to please themselves instead of to please the girl. Very counter-intuitive, yes, but this is what works with women.

5. Challenge
Most women like jerks because they present much more of a challenge than Nice Guys. Women want excitement. They want to be the one who, at the end of the day, "tames the tiger."

Now you should have a better understanding of why do girls like jerks. Again, you don't have to be a jerk if you don't want to. But try to master these qualities so you can experience firsthand why these things work so well.

Before revealing how to go on to the next step with women, please heed this warning:

The system you will discover in our FREE 7 Part eCourse on how to be attractive to women will affect women on a deeply subconscious level and trigger their most sexual inner instincts. Please use this information responsibly!

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Am I In Love?

By Alison Finch

A lot of our members have requested some guidance on how to answer this question, because it's a question that a great many women struggle to answer with conviction.

Of course, there is no infallible litmus test. How boring life would be if there were! So this article is not intended to give you any sort of checklist that leads you to an easy answer. I'll leave such contrivances to the teenage magazines.

What I aim to do is provide you with some food-for-thought that will help you, if you are at all unsure, to make up your mind about what love means to you, and whether you are in love or not. And, even if you already know that you are in love, I'll try to provide some guidance and support if you want to make your love-life more meaningful and rewarding.

Quite possibly, love is one of the most over-used and abused words in the English language. In spite of the considerable efforts of our most accomplished poets and writers to capture the beauty of the word, its high currency is commonly devalued to the point of worthlessness. Here in England, for example, you can find yourself addressed as "Love" or "My love" by a shop assistant who has never before laid eyes upon you as you make a trivial purchase at a store.

In part, I think this devaluation is because we tend not to distinguish very well between different types of love, even though making a distinction can be very useful indeed.

I remember that someone once told me that Eskimos have 20 different words for snow, whereas we - even in England where we talk about the weather all of the time - have only one. I don't know whether that information is true, but it makes sense to me because it must surely be useful for Eskimos to be able to communicate with precision about something that affects their daily lives so significantly. After all, a sentence like "that dry fluffy type of snow that makes hardly a sound until your foot has sunk into it to a depth of about 8cm at which point you hear a slight double-crunching noise" would become a bit tedious after a while!

But I'm not going to propose that we invent new words for the different types of love: I'm hoping that we can make do with four simple qualifiers that make the important

distinctions very clear. I'll tell you what they are, and then I'll show you how useful they can be.

Four types of love:

• Childish Love
• Parental Love
• Infatuated
• In Love

And it's no coincidence that you can HAVE the first two types of love, but you can only BE the third and fourth.

I'm not going to waste time talking about how a parent displays or feels love for a child or vice versa because I've never known a woman who doesn't instinctively understand the basic notion of a beautiful child/parent relationship. This article is primarily about adult-to-adult relationships where sexual interactions may occur, in other words relationships where "couples" have strong feelings for one another. But you will see in a moment that ALL FOUR types of love are relevant within exactly that adult-to-adult scope.

Most couples, when asked, would say that they love each other. At least, they would say that to you and, at least initially, they would say that to me.

But, if you probe with a little more subtlety, and a bit more persistently, you will often unearth buckets of frustration, resentment, mistrust, insecurity, jealousy, and sometimes fear.

• "I wish he wouldn't notice other women."
• "I wish I knew what he was thinking."
• "I don't know how long this is going to last."
• "I wish she was different."
• "He scares me when he's been out drinking."

None of these buckets fit well within the concept of love that all those poets have attempted to capture on paper for us aspire to.
When a woman says "Of course I love him - he's my husband!", what does she mean? Would a person who was really "in love" ever say such a thing?

You will have your own answers to those questions, but here's a clue to why our four distinctions can prove to be so useful.
Suppose a woman said "Of course I love him - he's my son!"

Do you see a very significant difference? Most women absorb an uncritical, unconditional responsibility to "love" their children from the moment of their birth. (Post-natal depression issues aside, because it's a whole different subject and not relevant for our purposes today.)

Now, I'm not denying for a moment that there are some women who accept a similar responsibility for their husbands once the bond of marriage is in place, but I can't think of many poets who have burned the midnight oil in capturing the emotions they are feeling at the time.

Let's take a closer look at what we might call "childish love".

Childish love

I put it to you that each of these words or phrases would be far more acceptable in describing a child than used within the context of an adult-to-adult bond.

Needy, selfish, dependent, immature, demanding, irresponsible, possessive and jealous, approval-seeking, moody, impulsive, scared of being alone, scared of rejection,

often testing boundaries, feeling inferior, feeling powerless, sulky, loyal, reverent.

I'm not saying that none of these words or phrases should ever apply at all in an adult relationship, but I do think it's clear that an excess of any or several of them can be the cause of a lot of tension, anxiety, conflict, and misery. Which means that it's worth reflecting on the nature or your relationship if you can identify with many of them in the relationship you have with your current partner.

Now let's look at the next type of love.

Parental love

Non-sexual, very responsible, serious, dependable, predictable, mature, occasionally resentful, selfless, reliable, risk-averse, stoic, protective, authoritative, superior, judgemental - perhaps even prejudiced at times, controlling.

Again, these are warning-bells if you can see a few of them becoming the most applicable adjectives you could use to describe your adult relationship.
Now let's deal with the third of our types of love.

Infatuated

I want to mention this almost in passing, because - delightful though it can be when you're in it - either the bubble bursts or the infatuation evolves into some other sort of love over time. Exactly what sort of love it evolves into is of course very critical to whether you achieve the fulfilment of truly being in love.

Here are some pretty exciting words and phrases that can apply to infatuated love.

Heady, illogical, passionate, butterflies-in-the-stomach, can act in foolish ways, highly motivated to be with the object of desire, spontaneous, wild, adventurous, caring, considerate, having strong sexual attraction, blind to faults, optimistic.

Feeling infatuated is usually a call to action. If you are feeling infatuated with someone then do something about it! It's simply not something you can ignore. So, even if you're married and infatuated with someone else it's important to address the situation and take action, because keeping those powerful feelings secretly bottled-up will have a very damaging effect on your relationship. I'm not saying that the right approach is always to follow your heart, because infatuations can often be based on very questionable foundations, but it is important to find a resolution somehow that leaves your integrity intact.

Infatuation is intoxicating, and it is often evocative of those dreamy days of teenage romances. But it can give you a nasty hangover too if you avoid dealing with the complications of an adult reality.

Although Albert Einstein was clearly one of the greatest minds in history, even he had to admit defeat on this point.

"How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?"

Albert Einstein

So let's leave infatuation there, and move on to some words and phrases that are commonly applicable in the real deal.

In love

Independent, responsible, decisive, reliable, trustworthy, mature, trusting, truthful, empowered to do the right thing, vulnerable and courageous, feels free to flow with heart's desires, both selfless and selfish, spontaneous and thoughtful, sexually motivated, caring, considerate, wild, passionate, adventurous, adorable.

These characteristics are highly desirable in adult relationships, and if you relate strongly to many of them then you're almost certainly in a pretty good place right now.

Putting them all together

Most women, when reading through the sections above, will find that words and phrases from more than one "type" of love strike a chord with them. Although it can be very hard to admit that the dynamics of your current relationship are based on more than one type of love, the admission itself can be an enormously positive first step to migrating your relationship towards your ideal.

With this in mind, you might want to carry out a simple exercise to get some insights that will help you answer whether you are really in love or not.

How in love are you?

Look at the way I've described the characteristics of the different types of love we've considered in this article and then try to assess the proportions of each of the categories of Childish Love, Parental Love, and In Love so that you have a total of 100%. I've omitted Infatuated Love from this exercise because it - more than any other type of love - is likely to be a phase that matures into one of the other three. If you're in it right now, then my guess is that you're unlikely to be worrying too much about answering any of the questions I've put to you in this article!

So, for example, you might decide to put 30% in Childish Love, 50% in Parental Love, and 20% in In Love. This openness and honesty with yourself is a great starting point for improving the quality of the love that you feel and receive. We'll take a look at just how to do that in a moment.

First, it's important to recognise that falling in love is tricky when you don't like yourself very much, so building and maintaining healthy levels of self-esteem is critical to the success of any adult-to-adult relationship. This self-esteem is not just about believing that you are worthy of being loved by another person, it's also about having or developing the skills to foster good relationships. It's only when you have the skills to do well that you can genuinely and legitimately respect yourself and your approach.

Now, let's take a more detailed look at what to do if your "In Love" score is not as high as you would like. There are some great tips coming up that will help you to fall head-over-heels with your current partner, or someone new if that's the right thing for you.

If you have lots of Childish Love in you:

Quite simply - try to ditch it! Your partner is NOT your parent.

If you think that you've been applying any Childish Love to an adult-to-adult relationship, then now's a very good time to make a firm commitment to stop. You're not a child anymore, and it's time to grow up, hold your head up high, and strive to reach your full potential as a sexually mature, responsible, loving woman of worth.

If you have lots of Parental Love in you:

Channel it! You are NOT his mother, you're his lover!

And of course the same goes if you're in a lesbian relationship too. If you think you've been applying Parental Love to an adult-to-adult relationship, then you're not

channeling your maternal instincts very effectively. If your partner is feeling vulnerable and needs support from you, then by all means give it wholeheartedly, but do

not fall into the common trap of mothering your partner by taking over responsibility for an issue that does not belong to you. Encourage your partner to step up to the

mark and behave as a sexually-mature, responsible, loving person of worth.

Again, it's best to check which of these were specifically recommended to you based on your own results in The Ultimate Self-esteem Test.

If you have a high In Love score:

Cherish it! But NEVER try to possess it.

Remember, being in love is a beautiful thing. An awesome thing. But if you live in fear that it may disappear one day, and your fear drives you to attempt to "cage" your loved one, then your love will surely die eventually. In many ways, love is like a butterfly: fragile and beautiful when it is free to choose where to go and what to do. But placing a butterfly in a tiny cage so that you could stop it from flying away from you in order for you to enjoy it more would be a terrible thing. That butterfly's beauty would soon be destroyed, and it would sadly die.

If your loving feelings towards your partner ever begin to fade, try to remember all those characteristics I listed in the In Love section above, and emulate them whenever you can. They will help you to do well and let your love shine out and brighten your world.

This article is copyright protected: � 2005 Ibex Management Limited
Alison Finch is the Founder and Creator of Selfesteem4women.com, which has become the most popular self-esteem site for women on the Internet. Since 2004, she has reached out to over 200,000 women from over 90 countries and provided the much needed help to build their self-esteem and confidence. Her unique approach to building self-esteem is refreshingly different and has a twelve-year proven track record of success.

If you would like help to build more confidence and self-esteem then please visit the website: Selfesteem4women.com, take the Ultimate Self-esteem Test now and receive a free personalized Self-esteem eReport containing recommendations and useful self-esteem building information.

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How to Attract Women

By Antonio Gabriel

Today, there are over a hundred books about dating and about how to attract women. Most of the websites that we browse or the articles that we read in magazines are also based on the subject of getting the best date. Basically, attracting women is not that hard. It only takes some simple maneuvers along with the right type of literature.

Of course, you can read and follow the advices coming from dating manuals yet you still need to get the right attitude that will fit your personality. To start learning on how to attract women,you need to first focus on yourself.

Remember, guys with muscles and a healthy physique are attractive. Therefore, you need to become a person who will have a healthy body. You do not need to be a musclehead or lift 500 lbs. You only need to have the body which is not only attractive but also healthy. Change the way you spend your day. Instead of sulking around in bed, you can go out and meet more people. You can also visit the gym regularly or you can play ball with your friends. As long as you stay active and fit, a lot of women will be attracted to you. The way you take care of yourself will be the way you take care of the women, they notice.

Once you feel that you are healthy enough, you can now start adding some knowledge. Go to your library and read some books. Look for journals about how to attract women and study the various things about current events. Even books about history or anatomy can be quite useful. As long as it adds to your knowledge, you need to study it. The reason for this is that you need to become an expert conversationalist.

This means that you need to know how to talk to women and know many types of topics, don't be boring. Some women are quite fond of historical literature while some women under the medical field will certainly be surprised when you know something about anatomy. That is why you need to learn many things when it comes to attracting women.

Finally, you now need to start the attraction process. You can start off by changing the way you look. Wear clean clothing and business casual attires. Look comfortable with what you wear and show the women that you are worth their praise.

Start your conversations with the women that you meet and talk with them. Let them help you get to know them better. Listen and try to find their likes. In time, you will be able to make an impact and they will certainly fall in love with you. Such are the ways on how to attract women.

Are you ready to date any woman you want? If you are check out http://www.datingsecretsblog.com for best dating tips for men. Don't let your dream girl become a dream.

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How to Pick Up Women

By Antonio Gabriel

First of all, picking up women is not rocket science. You don't need to be the smartest man alive in order to get chicks. If you think that you need to be rich, handsome, successful and young in order to pick up women then you are mistaken. Yes, it is true that such qualities in guys provide a better chance of landing a single woman, but that is pretty much it, such men can only get one type of women.

Shockingly there are more women in the world today than there are men and someday you will be able to get the woman of your dreams. However, since it is too early to plan a wedding, you can start off by learning how to pick up women.

Confidence is Key

You might have heard of this in every dating book or guy manual that you have read. You might think that this is clich� and it is not worth your time, but the truth is confidence is pretty much most important when it comes to picking up women.Basically, if you lack confidence then you are better off becoming a single old man.

Confidence is indeed attractive and anyone can have it. Confidence is the reason why many ugly guys get the girls and why even the smallest or the thinnest of guys land the perfect women. The reason is simple, they are often ridiculed all their lives that they now lack the perception of anxiety, shame and fear. Because of their lack of fear, women are turned on by their new found attitude and eventually such guys are pros when it comes to picking up women.So you better get your game up and look for the confidence within you now.

There are various products and books which are based on gaining confidence and for picking up women. Read these books and learn from the knowledge of the masters. You can also start gaining confidence now by doing the mirror exercise. You might have already heard this fairly easy exercise that you can do at home.

Stare at a mirror and try to talk to yourself. Learn how to speak manly and with tone and strength. Of course, never start yelling at yourself because you will only look like a man who has lost his marbles. Stare at your reflection in the mirror and try to converse with it. Practice this a couple of nights a week and you will be able to gain confidence in no time. Now, use the confidence that you have gained on your quest of picking up women.

Learn the right way to date any woman you want. Let http://www.datingsecretsblog.com help you. Right products with practice yield great results.

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Relationships: Why Do Some Men Try To Save Women?

By Oliver J R Cooper

For some men out there women are seen as people who need to be saved or rescued from what is taking place in their lives. And so it doesn't matter how big or small these women's challenges are, as this type of man is only too happy to get involved.

So this also means that unless a woman has some kind of problem, this type of man won't be interested. The famous damsel in distress is the ideal candidate here. But they could also be experiencing some kind of mental or emotional problem, a family conflict or an unpleasant ex for instance. Whether it's an isolated event or a regular occurrence is ultimately irrelevant.

Popular Culture

This whole scenario is often seen in popular culture with songs and films that cover this dynamic. This could be the knight in shining armour or the prince for instance. Films where women are displayed as being incompetent or powerless also creates the need for a strong man too appear to save them from the situation they are in.

Of course women have gradually become more empowered in the world and so these images are not as common as they once were. It is now fairly normal to see a woman as being empowered and a man could then be the person who needs to be rescued.

But regardless of what is going on in the movies or what singers are singing about, both sexes can feel powerless.

Patterns

So a man may see that a woman is struggling in some way and feel the need to help her. Or perhaps this is a man that gets into a relationship with a woman and soon comes to see that she is having real problems. And when this happens, a man will have to deny and neglect his own needs and wants in order to look after the woman's needs and wants.

If this takes places during certain times it may not be too much of a problem, but if this becomes the relational pattern then it could lead to all kinds of unhealthy consequences.

The man may start to feel as though he has become a father figure and that adult to adult relating has come to an end.

The Benefits

Even though there are these downsides above and many others, there are also numerous benefits from being in a situation like this. It can give a man a sense of power and control over the woman. Which can result in the man feeling as though he is loved, appreciated and won't be left.

A Step Back

However, what is clear here is that a man is putting in so much effort and doing all the work. And while a relationship can never be completely equal, as there will be times of imbalance, to be in a relationship that is always out of balance is not healthy or functional.

Women will have times when they need to be assisted and so will men; this is part of a healthy relationship. But if a man is trying to save or rescue a woman, this is not an adult to adult relationship. If one was to put chronological age to one side, this situation would be very similar to how a parent might relate to a child.

Personal Growth

Just because someone looks like an adult it doesn't mean that they feel like one or that they have moved on from how they felt as a child. And what took place for a man as a child will play a big role in whether they are attracted to wounded women and therefore try to rescue them or not.

Love

On some level love is seen as something that a man will attain from a woman by completely taking care of her needs and wants. Love is then not something that includes being there for each other; it is a one way occurrence.

And in order to understand why a man would associate love to mean this, it will be important to look at childhood development. How a man is cared for by his mother in his early years will often explain why this association exists.

Childhood

Ideally a mother would be empathic and emotionally available in most cases. When this happens, a child would generally get their needs and wants met. So through the mother taking care of the child in this way, it will come to see that its needs and wants are important.

When the mother is unempathic, emotionally unavailable and generally out of tune with the Childs wants and needs, this above is unlikely to happen. The child could then end up taking care of the mother's needs and wants and see their needs and wants as being unimportant. Here, one may end up feeling guilty and ashamed for having them. One felt acceptance and approved of by doing what their mothers wanted.

Consequences

So from the moment one was born, one had to work hard for attention, it wasn't provided unconditionally and this lead to a role reversal taking place. But even though one grew from a child to an adult, they were still emotionally children.

This would have lead to a lot of emotional pain and as a child one could have felt: abandoned, rejected, ignored, powerless and hopeless. And the ego mind would have gradually associated these experiences as being familiar and therefore what is safe.

What Does this Mean?

While these early experiences were not healthy or functional, as the mind came to view them as what is safe, one will continue to recreate what happened during those early years. Although time has passed, one can become emotionally stuck at this time in their life.

From this place, women can be perceived in the same way. And how a man thinks, feels and behaves when it comes to getting their needs and wants met, can mimic these early experiences.

Awareness

In order for a man to have healthy and functional relationships with women, it will be important to let go of these associations and to release the emotions that have built over the years.

And as this happens, one will no longer be attracted to or attract women that need rescuing. One will begin to know that their needs and wants are important and not something to feel ashamed of. It may take a while for a man to get back in tune with their needs and wants, after being so caught up in the needs and wants of others.

This process can be assisted through the help of a: therapist, healer or some kind of coach. And generally becoming aware and changing how one thinks and behaves can also make a massive difference. When it comes to what solutions will be needed, it can all depend on how much of a challenge this is.

My name is Oliver J R Cooper and I have been on a journey of self awareness for over nine years and for many years prior to that I had a natural curiosity.

For over two years, I have been writing articles. These cover psychology and communication. This has also lead to poetry.

One of my intentions is to be a catalyst to others, as other people have been and continue to be to me. As well as writing articles and creating poetry, I also offer personal coaching. To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

Feel free to join the Facebook Group -
https://www.Facebook.com/OliverJRCooper

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The Heart's Sweet Lie

By Cindy Burrell

"The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9

I tromped downstairs in my usual stupor one weekday morning to brew a fresh pot of coffee before heading to work and found our black Labrador, Belle, at the foot of the stairs, wagging her tail enthusiastically and prancing about in anticipation of her breakfast. On most days, one of the kids beats me to the task, yet Belle has learned that if she puts on a good show, she might succeed in convincing me or any other unsuspecting family member who ventures downstairs later in the morning that she is famished. Our clever dog has often enjoyed a second meal before one of us realizes that we have been duped by her well-rehearsed antics.

So, I was not going to be fooled this day. Convinced that she had already been attended to, I scolded her for trying to put one over on me and insisted that she go lay down. Her tail ceased its wagging and I noticed her sad kind of sideways glance before she obediently moved toward her bed. After putting the coffee on and marching back upstairs to don my work clothes, I realized that both kids were still asleep in her rooms. So, poor Belle had been refused her morning meal and accepted my rebuff with what must have been some measure of confusion - but without the slightest protest. Discovering the truth, I rushed back downstairs, apologized as best I knew how to our sweet dog and escorted her outside to get her dish and make things right. Sadly, poor Belle had readily accepted what I had dished out - or failed to - on the basis of my authority over her.

I can't help but see an amazing similarity between Belle's response to me and an abuse victim's trained response to her abuser. Abuse victims are trained over time to accept the wisdom of their abuser under the guise that some trustworthy form of love is guiding the abuser's thoughts, motives and actions. Even when the abuse becomes so overtly evident, the victim's inclination is to believe that the heartache he or she is enduring is somehow normal. We choose to believe the heart's sweet lie, the soft whisper that says, "Everything will be alright." We accept the deception, preferring it to the frightening alternative: This person is intentionally hurting me.

What we might be tempted to categorize as optimism is, in reality, a form of self-deception, a psychological response known as the "normalcy bias." It is a mental state we may adopt when facing potential harm. In the case of abuse, the heart refuses to accept the likelihood of maltreatment that is right before our eyes, yet our minds construct a defensive stance against the possibility of a significant threat to our physical or emotional safety.

"Normalcy bias" is the primary reason many people remained in their homes in spite of stern warnings before hurricane Katrina struck, it is why so many Jews remained in Nazi Germany before and during the Holocaust - and it is one reason abuse victims remain in abusive relationships. We concoct ways to manage our unpredictable lives fairly well and trust that our situation can only improve. To bolster the sweet lie, we seize on minor aberrations that might explain away the hurt.

Haven't we all chosen to slough off our abuser's attacks and told ourselves that he doesn't mean what he says? We prefer to accept that our abuser is lashing out in ignorance. Surely his actions are uncharacteristic of his true nature, a reflection of a bad childhood, uncommon stress, perhaps a job loss or simple misunderstandings. In response, we give ourselves a pep talk and tell ourselves that his behaviors are unintentional and temporary. We believe in a future with the man we fell in love with and trust that, with our help and support, we will see him again. Our heart's less-than-honest assessment assures us that the hard times will surely blow over, and very soon we will live in a home that is happy, healthy and safe.

We can see this "normalcy bias" played out in Scripture, too. Just before the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah were to be destroyed, two messengers from God warned Lot of the impending disaster and urged him to get himself and his family out. You may be surprised at what happens next.

Then the two men said to Lot, "Whom else have you here? A son-in-law, and your sons, and your daughters, and whomever you have in the city, bring them out of the place; for we are about to destroy this place, because their outcry has become so great before the Lord that the Lord has sent us to destroy it." Lot went out and spoke to his sons-in-law, who were to marry his daughters, and said, "Up, get out of this place, for the Lord will destroy the city." But he appeared to his sons-in-law to be jesting.

When morning dawned, the angels urged Lot, saying, "Up, take your wife and your two daughters who are here, or you will be swept away in the punishment of the city." But he hesitated. So the men seized his hand and the hand of his wife and the hands of his two daughters, for the compassion of the Lord was upon him; and they brought him out, and put him outside the city. When they had brought them outside, one said, "Escape for your life! Do not look behind you, and do not stay anywhere in the valley; escape to the mountains, or you will be swept away." Genesis 19:12-17

On that day, the sun rose and the days' events unfolded just like on any other, so it is easy to sympathize with Lot's sons-in-law who scoffed at the urgency. Lot himself knew that the messengers were sent by God. Still he struggled to acknowledge the risk, and had it not been for the men forcefully removing Lot and his wife and daughters, he and his entire family would have died.

Perhaps more bizarre is the reality that we who have tolerated our abuser's cruelty for years are all too familiar with the signs of impending disaster. Although we have been warned by friends and family members and even at times by our abuser that we are directly in harm's way, we prefer the illusory comfort of the heart's sweet lie.

Like the families who believed the threat of hurricane Katrina was exaggerated or the countless Jews who lost their lives under the Nazi regime, every single day all over the world abuse victims suddenly awaken to find themselves on the wrong side of a faulty belief system. The day comes when what we perceived to be a remote possibility becomes a horrifying reality. The heart's sweet lie must eventually give way to the solemn realization that our abuser's behavior isn't normal, accidental or temporary.

Unfortunately, all too often it is not until a victim finds herself up to her eyebrows in brokenness and heartache that she can finally confess that abuse isn't something that only happens to other people. Yet once the sweet lie is dispelled, the truth flows in, and healing can finally begin.

Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, and in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom. Psalm 51:6

Copyright 2013 Cindy Burrell
All Rights Reserved

Cindy Burrell, a writer, wife, mother and a survivor of emotional abuse is here to tell you that there is hope...

After twenty years in an abusive relationship Cindy was left feeling lost, lonely and exhausted. She had learned to compromise her happiness in an unsuccessful attempt to stave off the onslaught of abuse. Her story is one of neglect, fear, lies, and addictions. Finally forced to leave their home with her four children, they escaped the emotional prison in which they had all lived. Although scars remain, Cindy and her children have found healing and restoration.

Currently, Cindy works as a professional writer/researcher for a California State Senator. She has served in similar capacities in the Legislature for many years while doing her own writing on the side. "I am an emotional/verbal abuse survivor, and I am - at long last - no longer afraid to share what the Lord has done for me."

See her web site at http://www.hurtbylove.com

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Designing The Relationship You Want - Make Your Wife Love You - Step 5 Engage: 3 Reasons She Won't

By Joseph Freynik

In the last article, I introduced you to the concepts involved in what to do when you are not working on your secret identity project. The rules of engagement. There are four parts.

1) Understanding why she won't engage right now.

2) Evaluating her level of engagement.

3) Giving her room and reason to become more engaged.

4) Knowing what to do with a fully-engaged woman.

Today we will cover part one.

Three Reasons She Won't Engage

(This concept is adapted with some poetic license from internet entrepreneur-extraordinaire Frank Kern's 3 reasons they won't buy... ) To change things you first need to understand why she's not biting on your hook.

1. She doesn't want it.

2. She doesn't believe it will be everything you promised.

3. She can't afford it.

I'll go through each one of these and explain just what I'm talking about and briefly what is missing in your engagement plan.

She doesn't want it

Most guys I talk to have nothing for sale. I didn't either. Not our fault, really. Nobody teaches this stuff. If I asked you right now about your relationship: what's in it for her? You'd say something like this... uh, I'm really nice to her (when we're not fighting), I remember her birthday and valentine's day and I take her out once every two weeks and I have a job... and... and... ummmm.

See what I'm saying? Not very exciting. So, what we need is something to invite her to. And that thing is YOU, Romeo. But right now you don't have the first clue of who you are. That's what the secret identity projects are all about. So, keep working on those. And don't worry if you're thinking: what if she's not into banzai tree mania as I am? We'll cross that bridge soon. For now just keep working on it.

She doesn't believe

We will address this problem in a few ways. First, stop promising her stuff.

if she asks you when the new blinds will be up, say Not sure when I can get to those. Then put them up when you can. She"ll be surprised. Second, limit your time with her. Best tool for this: your secret identity project. This says to her: I'm a busy guy who has a lot going on. Much more believable that that guy would be on some kind of adventure. Third, Structure your time together. Don't just hang out. Make plans. Watch a movie. Play darts. Go to see a band. Have a beginning and an end to the date. Much more impact that way.

She can't afford it

Mostly this involves emotional currency. She might think your expectations are too high. She might feel she can't handle all the drama. She might not feel she can trust you. When you boil it all down, ultimately it comes down to what you are up to with her. As we said, most guys have nothing to invite her to. And what's worse they want all kinds of things from a relationship that it is not designed to do. Getting clear on what a relationship is and what it can do for you goes a long way toward making your adventure much more affordable for the right woman. The legitimate cost for her should be nothing more or less than her willingness to fully engage with you and your adventure over time to a greater and greater degree.

Solving all of these problems starts with getting started on getting to know your adventure.

Does she think she has you all figured out?

Treats you like you are old news?

My FREE guide will help you learn to...

• Access and express your feelings.
• Unhook from trying to impress her
• See her rejections as cute
• And awaken her inner pornstar.

Start the 28-day Get Her Attention Challenge today.

She won't even recognize you by the end of the month.

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Relationships: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Relationships: Should I Stay or Should I Go?
By Grace Chatting

Are you one of those who are no longer happy in your long-term relationship or marriage, but are weighing up how much of yourself you have invested in it, while you ask yourself the question, "Should I stay or Should I Go?".

This is the dilemma of, Too good to leave and too bad to stay, and the ongoing state of ambivalence which this engenders, can be very corrosive over a long period of time, and can also lead to illness and depression.

When you are involved in this kind of scenario you tend to become increasingly disconnected from your partner or spouse, and feel more and more lonely and despondent as time goes on. After a while you run out of strategies as to how to change the situation. When it becomes intolerable, one or other makes a decision to separate or divorce. The trouble is, often this involves breaking up a family and everyone facing the prospect of living in reduced circumstances.

From Intolerable to Intolerable

The move towards separation and the prospect of not being in each other's lives begins to feel more painful and eventually intolerable. It is at this point that you decide to "give it another go". Unfortunately, this usually means trying behaviours and approaches that have been tried and failed before. Soon the honeymoon is over (again) and the relationship begins to slide back to where it was before, and both of you feel even more despondent, hopeless, sad and demoralised, and decide once again that the only way ahead is to separate. The situation is again intolerable.

Once again you begin to move towards separation, and once again, when the prospect of actually living apart and sorting out contact arrangements and maintenance payments for the children is on the agenda, the pain increases and again,you decide to try again.

Consequences of Ambivalence

This kind of oscillation is not uncommon with couples. Sadly most couples generally do not access professional help to support them in moving beyond the impasse and to explore other ways of moving through the impasse. Eventually, one may finish up really rocking the boat by having an Exit Affair perhaps, whether consciously or unconsciously engaged in. Often this is the final straw to the other party and provides the impetus to proceed with the divorce or separation. Many decide to pursue the separation or divorce route, out of sheer desperation, because they can no longer stand the constant ambivalence, and, particularly if they have a milestone event like a 40th birthday, death of a parent or a New Year.

A Tale of Two Couples

As the saying goes, "If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you always got. Do something different."

I recently was seeing two couples for coaching, each of whom had been in this position of oscillating between staying or going for a number of years. They were all deeply unhappy and concerned that the situation was now affecting their respective children, (which it was) who in different ways were beginning to display behavioural problems.

In order to turn such a situation around couples need to be able to step aside from their problems long enough to learn some essential knowledge about relationship dynamics and also to acquire new knowledge and a range of relating skills to implement that knowledge. Couples also need to have a degree of insight into their own patterns which they have taken on board from their early environment, usually their primary caregivers, and which are no longer serving their relationship.

One couple, let's call them Jean and John stayed in the Karpman Triangle for a long time, blaming and criticising each other. Eventually however, they managed to take on board what I was teaching them, and started to do the work on themselves and now have made a great breakthrough and see what I was driving at for so long.

The other couple, Jack and Sally, played the game of "I'm leaving, let's get a divorce" for so long and then made up and recycled this about twice a year, that neither of them would stop their Game Playing at the same time, or long enough to actually do the necessary work of learning about their unhelpful patterns and reconnecting with each other in a more meaningful way. During one of their "let's get a divorce" swings, Jack actually went ahead and applied for divorce. They are now very unhappily divorced and putting so much time into making contact arrangements for their two children, that they both wish they had made the effort to stop fighting and to learn some new strategies to change their situation.

Underlying Problem

The underlying problem for both couples was that they were both unaware of the ways in which their unconscious patterns affected their relationships, and continued to blame each other. Jean and Jack eventually agreed to lay down their arms, and got into some alignment with each other while they learned some relationship lessons and skills. They are now relating on a much deeper and more intimate way and are well on the way to "Happily ever after".

Jack and Sally remained entrenched in their old patterns and refused to set them aside long enough to learn about how relationships work and acquire some skill in applying that. They appear all set to have some very unhappy years and then to go on to repeat the same unhelpful patterns in another relationship.

Getting Out of Your Own Way

No one teaches us this relationship stuff, but it is a wise couple who recognise when they run into trouble, that they have reached the end of their limits in terms of knowledge and skill; not necessarily their relationship. It is a milestone in everyone's personal development (although not everyone passes it) to review their early conditioning and review how they operate in terms of their life in the here and now, rather than how they were told their life and relationships should, ought, or must be. Instead of going to war with each other and perceiving each other as the enemy, they can become Allies and support each other to make their own individual reviews and adjustments perhaps with the help of a skilled Coach.

It Doesn't Have To Be Either/Or

With some professional guidance, couples can agree to have a controlled separation, while they work through any personal development issues they may have, which get in the way of the couple relationship. They could also commit to staying together for an agreed period of time such as 3-6 months, while they follow a coaching program. If after all this, their situation has not improved, at least they both know they have given the relationship their best shot, and can part with much less acrimony.

Grace Chatting is the Founder of Relationship Academy, where they teach lessons you didn't learn at school. With a professional background working with children and families, Grace is a Psychotherapist, Family Mediator and a Relationship Coach. She has set up Relationship Academy to deliver Online Video Courses and Programs for Singles and Couples and those who have Divorced or Separated. It is a work in progress but you can visit the website http://relationshipacademy.co.uk where you can sign up for a free video series offering a Blueprint In Building Happier Relationships and Families. You may also email Grace with any queries at grace@relationshipacademy.co.uk

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Grace_Chatting
http://EzineArticles.com/?Relationships:-Should-I-Stay-or-Should-I-Go?&id=7861948

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Relationships: Why Do Some Women Attract Controlling Men?

Author: Oliver J R Cooper

Although a woman can want to experience a relationship with a man that is healthy and functional, there are numerous things that can get in the way if this actually taking place. And one of these things is when a man is controlling.

To a one degree or another, both men and women are controlling. But this is not bad or dysfunctional per se. What can lead to problems is when a healthy sense of control gets out of hand and goes to the extreme. When this happens, it is inevitably going to lead to problems.

First Impressions

How a man first appears can often be the complete opposite of who they will later become. At first they may come across as: assertive, caring, confident, strong and generous for instance. And these kinds of traits are going to be appealing and enough to attract a woman. But while this may be how they appear at first, over time their behaviour can change and take on a different form.

As to how long this transition will take can depend on numerous factors. Some women will notice it is within a very short time. And for others, this may have to occur for a long time before they are aware of what is taking place. A woman may only notice what is going on after a friend or family member points out what is going on; as they could be unaware of it themselves.

Patterns

And upon close inspection, what may become clear is how there is certain patterns involved. This can relate to the kind of men that they are attracted to and when they start to feel that they are being controlled. It may also be seen in certain areas of their life and in where a man is controlling and where he isn't controlling.

There may even be some men who want complete control and don't allow any kind of freedom of expression to occur. This will be in extreme cases and some men will be more subtle in their control.

The Story

So while these patterns can enable one to get a better understanding of what is taking place and that what is taking place is not simply random, they can also be interpreted in another way. What this means is that the mind can use them as a sign that one is a victim and that one has no control over what is happening.

The mind observes reality and then forms ideas about what it sees. These ideas are not necessarily the truth, but they can sound accurate and logical. For if a women is constantly attracting men who are controlling, it would be normal to believe that they are unlucky and powerless to do anything about it.

Under The Surface

And if this is the only understanding that a woman has, it is unlikely that they will attract a man that is not controlling. Because while the minds ideas about what is taking place can sound appropriate and validate what is taking place; there is something else going on. This is typically going on at an unconscious level and out of one's awareness.

Here, it will relate to what feels safe and what feels safe is what is familiar. So the reason one is with a controlling men or they keep showing up is because it feels right at a deeper level. This realisation will be known through connecting with one's body. The mind will not have this understanding; as the mind sees everything as separate and disconnected.

Causes

To look at this challenge through the eyes of an adult is unlikely to make much sense. This is due it being something that often has its roots in a woman's childhood years. And the kind of relationship that they had with their father will often define what their relationships will be like with men.

So for a woman that is attracted to controlling men, it could be that in most cases, the attention that they received from their father was based on some kind of control or compromise. Perhaps their father was: smothering or overwhelming and had boundary problems. This then became associated as what is familiar and therefore safe to the mind.

And as this was the only kind of behaviour that they saw as a child, it also became known as what love is. At such a young age, it is not possible to question what is taking place. It is simply internalised and perceived as what is normal and how things are.

Love

These early experiences will have shaped a women's idea of what love is and what is not love. But of course, these meanings are typically going on at an unconscious level and won't be consciously known. Through so many years having passed, one can lose all awareness of what took place during those formative years.

So as control is what feels familiar and safe, if a man wasn't controlling, it could feel like rejection or that one is being abandoned and left alone. Love means control and if control is not taking place then it might not feel right.

Attraction

It is these associations that are causing a woman to attract and to be attracted to men that are controlling. There is nothing random about the whole thing; it is often just the result of what a woman became comfortable with as a child.

Awareness

Even though this may have been how love was experienced as a child for a woman, it would have included a certain amount of emotional pain. This could have included feeling: rejected, abandoned, betrayed and violated.

These feelings would have had to have been repressed; because if they were revealed it may have lead to further control or even isolation. But these feelings haven't disappeared; they will have remained in the body.

Once these feelings are released and one no longer feels comfortable with this kind of love, a woman will no longer be attracted to or attract men who are controlling. This process can be undertaken through the assistance of a therapist, healer, coach or a trusted friend. Or through some kind of self study and in letting go of these old ways of being. The kind of help that one needs will all depend on how much of a challenge this is.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/relationships-why-do-some-women-attract-controlling-men-6664832.html

About the Author

My name is Oliver J R Cooper and I have been on a journey of self awareness for over nine years and for many years prior to that I had a natural curiosity.

For over two years, I have been writing articles. These cover psychology and communication. This has also lead to poetry.

One of my intentions is to be a catalyst to others, as other people have been and continue to be to me. As well as writing articles and creating poetry, I also offer personal coaching. To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

Feel free to join the Facebook Group -

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Dealing With Arrogant Women: The Ways to Convince Them

By Cheris Henry

Arrogance is a state of mind which most of the people in the world dislike you having. Usually, the people who are low in self-confidence are arrogant. There are also some other cases where people who are over-confident. Both these types of people are arrogant. Arrogance is not limited to either man or woman. Both of them are arrogant and dealing with them is really tricky. But here are some tricks that you can bank upon to keep their arrogant mood in control and manage them.

First of all, you should have a lot of patience when dealing with such women. They are usually either over-confident or low in confidence. You have to test which of these two states of minds they are in. You can do that with some simple tests and once you come to know about the real cause for the arrogance, you need to take different measures to treat the condition. Let explore these different measures you should take.

If the woman is low in confidence, there could be several reasons for that. You need to ask her softly what's the reason. If she is unwilling to share it with you, don't force her. There could be certain issues that she might be feeling apprehensive to share with you. In such a case, you need to get the help of a good psychologist to solve the problem. They are experts in dealing with such issues and help the woman to come out of their depressed state of mind, after this, you will surely find a new woman in her.

Another problem is over confidence. Over confidence is something that can be treated with a lot of patience. Such women usually have a superiority complex in their mind. Never blame them for that and always stay positive. Try to convince them that they are neither superior nor inferior to anybody. That will help them to understand that they are also like any ordinary woman and will stop them from feeling as if they were better than everyone else.

Many people think that the best way to deal with arrogant women is to blame them and scold them, but that will not help at all. They get more and more irritated by that and thus try to be more arrogant. Whenever they are unable to deal with the normal things, they take it seriously and start thinking madly. That will make them feel more irritable and even makes them feel distressed. Once distressed, they will never come back out of it and distressed minds start thinking strangely.

In order to get rid of this arrogance, the woman needs to play their own role. Let them know that they will not be able to get the love and affection of everyone if they are arrogant. So control their arrogance and feel more comfortable with others. Urge them to change their mindset and get used to more and more people. That will help them to get rid of their arrogance.

My name is Cheris Henry from the Caribbean.

I have spent a few years trying different techniques, compiling and recording the results. I am certain that the dating tips for guys information on my website, Free Bonus eBook and the Secret Dating Tips eBook will blow your mind, show you how to deal with arrogant women and significantly increase your success with women.

Want to acquire the skills to significantly increase your success rate with women? Visit my website http://www.datingtipsforlife.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Cheris_Henry
http://EzineArticles.com/?Dealing-With-Arrogant-Women:-The-Ways-to-Convince-Them&id=7801763

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Observing the Mama's Boy-Daddy's Girl Relationship at the Movies

By Sarah Malinakand Joseph Malinak

Did you know you can attend a mini-workshop on romantic relationships in the comfort of your own home for the price of a rented movie and be entertained at the same time? That is because this "at-home workshop" uses movies that you might already own!

This article, which is an excerpt from the book, "Getting Back to Love: When the Pushing and Pulling Threaten to Tear You Apart" (Copyright 2008, All Rights Reserved), shows you how to pay attention to the Mama's Boy/Daddy's Girl dynamics in certain romantic relationships found in specific movies. It even shows you the movies where you can find evidence of Father's Sons and Mother's Daughters.

Mama's Boys are tied, either consciously or subconsciously, to the influence of their mothers. They believe they get their power from the women in their lives. For systemic reasons, they did not get the chance to bond with their fathers in their early teens. Mama's Boys are naturally attracted to Daddy's Girls who are complimentary to them in the male/female dance of life.

Daddy's Girls are tied, either consciously or subconsciously, to the influence of their fathers. They believe they find fulfillment taking care of the men in their lives. For systemic reasons, they did not get the chance to bond with their mothers in their early teens. Daddy's Girls and Mama's Boys draw each other like magnets! Each of them senses in the other what was missing from childhood and believes they can find the missing pieces together. Their relationships begin with a lot of chemistry and happiness. However, when they reach a certain level of commitment, they risk falling out of love unless they can learn to be together as adults, rather than as parents and children.

On the other hand, Father's Sons did get to bond with their fathers in their early teens. These men know they get their power from within themselves. Similarly, Mother's Daughters were able to bond with their mothers in their early teens. They know that fulfillment comes from within.

An effective way of observing Mama's Boys and Daddy's Girls in action is to be on the lookout for it in movies and on television. That removes the subject far enough away from oneself to be both entertaining and educational!

The most recent classical Mama's Boy on television can be found in reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond. Raymond and his brother are so tied to their mother's apron strings that it can be both repulsive and hysterical to watch. Raymond's wife, Debra, is a typical Daddy's Girl too, as she barely tolerates Raymond's behavior and bosses him around. Routinely, the most tension-filled moments on the sitcom happen when Ray has to choose between his mother and his wife. Invariably, he does his best to choose both, disappointing both women every time!

One of the more painful depictions of a Daddy's Girl is found in Funny Girl. As depicted in that movie, Fanny Brice very sweetly takes care of her husband, Nick Arnstein, as though he is a boy and not a grown man. Out of love for him and without realizing what she is doing, she demeans him over and over again, chipping away at his masculinity and destroying what is left of their love. She doesn't mean to, but she can't help herself. She is desperate to hold on to him. The option of letting him handle the consequences of his own actions must have felt like a sure way of losing him. But taking care of him made certain she'd lose him. If you or someone you love is at risk of jeopardizing their relationship because of this kind of caretaking, Funny Girl can be an effective, if painful, mirror to help encourage yourself or someone else to make a change.

In movies like Sex, Lies, and Videotape, or Enough, or Hanging Up, the depictions of Mama's Boys and Daddy's Girls are equally obvious. In Enough we find a depiction of a Mama's Boy who tries to get his power from his woman in abusive ways. In it, Slim and Mitch Miller are newlyweds apparently in love and with an abundant future ahead. The honeymoon is quickly over, though, when Mitch turns abusive. He becomes more and more controlling of their environment and their child, isolating Slim from her friends and potential support. He eventually begins to have an affair. Between finding out about the affair and Slim's desire to protect their daughter from Mitch's abuse, she leaves their home with their child only to have Mitch pursue her relentlessly. Mitch's obsession with controlling and belittling his wife, his having an affair and apparent feeling of entitlement to that affair, are all symptoms of a Mama's Boy who uses abuse to try to get his power from women.

What about getting to witness a Father's Son and a Mother's Daughter on film? Are any of those available? Yes!

In the movie You've Got Mail, you find a Mother's Daughter and a Father's Son in action. Kathleen Kelly is her mother's daughter, having followed her mother in ownership and management of her mother's children's bookstore. Joe Foxx is his father's son, having followed his father in ownership and management of the family business, Foxx Books.

The next time you watch You've Got Mail, pay attention to how Joe and Kathleen manage their relationships. Joe neither pushes against nor pulls on the women in his life. And the women in his life don't treat him like a little boy. Kathleen doesn't take care of the men in her life as though they are little boys. Even though Frank, the man in her life when the movie begins, may in fact be a Mama's Boy, Kathleen doesn't take care of him in that way. And when life throws her a serious curve ball, with the loss of her business, she reaches down deep and takes care of herself. The movie makes it clear that the resource she taps into is her relationship with her deceased mother.

In Open Range you'll find a character who is likely a Father's Son. Charley Waite is a middle-aged cowboy and former gunslinger enjoying the final years of grazing his cattle freely in open country. He is a man who has never been married and who, apparently, has not had a great deal of contact with the opposite sex. When he meets and becomes smitten with Sue Barlow, he doesn't quite know how to go about letting her know of his interest and growing love. His attempts to tell her he finds her attractive are awkward, yet appealing.

In the end he comes to her, hat in hand, offering her marriage and a kind of leadership as a husband that is old-fashioned and chauvinistic. Sue is also middle-aged and has never been married. She is too wise and courageous about life to attempt to pretend she will be fulfilled being the little wife whose husband protects her from all harm. She challenges Charley to meet her as one adult to another. He is man enough to meet the challenge, and the movie ends with the promise that their spirited romance has only just begun.

Speaking of spirited romances, Bull Durham gives a viewer a robin's eye view into a Mama's Boy and a Father's Son in pursuit of the same woman! In this movie, there is a love triangle that forms around Crash Davis, a seasoned baseball catcher, Annie Savoy, the team's best fan, and Nuke LaLoosh, the new young rookie on the team.

Even though Crash and Annie test their attraction for one another in the beginning of the movie, Crash quickly steps aside for Nuke and Annie to do their thing. He is too seasoned, both on and off the field, and too self-contained to waste his energy competing with the highly strung "puppy" that Nuke surely is.

Annie is in the habit of taking on one ball player a year whom she helps mature. She says, "There's never been a ball player who slept with me who didn't have the best year of his career...there's a certain amount of life wisdom I give these boys. I can expand their minds...I make them feel confident and they make me feel safe and pretty." As such she puts herself in the position of Mama to her chosen ball player and lets him be her Boy.

The first night she meets Nuke and Crash, she invites them back to her house where she sits them down and explains the rules. "I hook up with one guy a season. It usually takes me a couple of weeks to pick the guy. It's kind of my own spring training. And, well, you two are the most promising prospects of the season so far. So I just thought we should try to get to know each other." Crash stops her right there. He wants to know why she gets to choose. Why not one of the men? She goes on about quantum physics and how no one really ever gets to choose anyone. Crash gets up to leave. Annie asks him where he's going.

Crash responds, "After twelve years in the minor leagues, I don't try out. Besides, I don't believe in quantum physics when it comes to matters of the heart."

"What do you believe in then?" Annie asks.

As he puts on his coat to leave, Crash answers her with one of the most famous movie speeches that ends with these words, "...and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days. Good-night."

Annie breathes, "Oh, my." She then chases him out the door to say she just wants to date, not fall in love. Crash tells her, "I'm not interested in a woman who's interested in that boy. Good-night."

When Nuke makes it to the big leagues and leaves town, Crash makes himself available to reconsider the chemistry that was and still is evident between him and Annie. At that point he requests she show up as one adult to join the dance with another adult. It is a stretch for her, but she's woman enough to take the challenge.

Movies are a great way to attend mini-workshops to witness the ramifications of being blind to the Mama's Boy/Daddy's Girl dance and the relative ease of the Father's Son/Mother's Daughter dance!

Joseph and Sarah Elizabeth Malinak are the authors of "Getting Back to Love: When the Pushing and Pulling Threaten to Tear You Apart." It is the definitive book on the mama's boy/daddy's girl relationship that is so prevalent today (http://www.GettingBacktoLove.com). They are relationship coaches and can be found at http://www.IdealRelationships.com where you can sign up for the free Ideal Relationships newsletter! Joseph can also be found at http://www.josephmalinak.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Sarah_Malinak
http://EzineArticles.com/?Observing-the-Mamas-Boy-Daddys-Girl-Relationship-at-the-Movies&id=923768

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