Wednesday, 17 July 2013

Designing The Relationship You Want - Make Your Wife Love You - Step 5 Engage: 3 Reasons She Won't

By Joseph Freynik

In the last article, I introduced you to the concepts involved in what to do when you are not working on your secret identity project. The rules of engagement. There are four parts.

1) Understanding why she won't engage right now.

2) Evaluating her level of engagement.

3) Giving her room and reason to become more engaged.

4) Knowing what to do with a fully-engaged woman.

Today we will cover part one.

Three Reasons She Won't Engage

(This concept is adapted with some poetic license from internet entrepreneur-extraordinaire Frank Kern's 3 reasons they won't buy... ) To change things you first need to understand why she's not biting on your hook.

1. She doesn't want it.

2. She doesn't believe it will be everything you promised.

3. She can't afford it.

I'll go through each one of these and explain just what I'm talking about and briefly what is missing in your engagement plan.

She doesn't want it

Most guys I talk to have nothing for sale. I didn't either. Not our fault, really. Nobody teaches this stuff. If I asked you right now about your relationship: what's in it for her? You'd say something like this... uh, I'm really nice to her (when we're not fighting), I remember her birthday and valentine's day and I take her out once every two weeks and I have a job... and... and... ummmm.

See what I'm saying? Not very exciting. So, what we need is something to invite her to. And that thing is YOU, Romeo. But right now you don't have the first clue of who you are. That's what the secret identity projects are all about. So, keep working on those. And don't worry if you're thinking: what if she's not into banzai tree mania as I am? We'll cross that bridge soon. For now just keep working on it.

She doesn't believe

We will address this problem in a few ways. First, stop promising her stuff.

if she asks you when the new blinds will be up, say Not sure when I can get to those. Then put them up when you can. She"ll be surprised. Second, limit your time with her. Best tool for this: your secret identity project. This says to her: I'm a busy guy who has a lot going on. Much more believable that that guy would be on some kind of adventure. Third, Structure your time together. Don't just hang out. Make plans. Watch a movie. Play darts. Go to see a band. Have a beginning and an end to the date. Much more impact that way.

She can't afford it

Mostly this involves emotional currency. She might think your expectations are too high. She might feel she can't handle all the drama. She might not feel she can trust you. When you boil it all down, ultimately it comes down to what you are up to with her. As we said, most guys have nothing to invite her to. And what's worse they want all kinds of things from a relationship that it is not designed to do. Getting clear on what a relationship is and what it can do for you goes a long way toward making your adventure much more affordable for the right woman. The legitimate cost for her should be nothing more or less than her willingness to fully engage with you and your adventure over time to a greater and greater degree.

Solving all of these problems starts with getting started on getting to know your adventure.

Does she think she has you all figured out?

Treats you like you are old news?

My FREE guide will help you learn to...

  • Access and express your feelings.
  • Unhook from trying to impress her
  • See her rejections as cute
  • And awaken her inner pornstar.

Start the 28-day Get Her Attention Challenge today.

She won't even recognize you by the end of the month.

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