Are You Driven By Your Circumstances?

By Kim Ravida

At 10:32 a.m. on Tuesday, September 4, 2012, I turned on my computer after a 17-day vacation... and boy was it weird! It was weird in that I was excited to be back in the swing of working. It wasn't always like this though, so it's so awesome for me to have these feelings of excitement, anticipation and happiness to be back. In my later years of working in corporate, the day before I'd go back to work from a vacation (heck, even a weekend) I'd feel physically ill. I'd have trouble sleeping and then in the morning, I just couldn't drag myself out of the bed. I know it wasn't because I was exhausted or even tired, I was just feeling run down from my environment which was unsupporting and toxic to me. Have you ever felt that way? If the answer is no, I'm thrilled for you! But if you are like me and many of my clients who have been (or even still are) extremely beaten down by your work environment, please know that you can change it for yourself and you can do so in a way that is perfect for you!

I played the role of victim for a long time. I allowed others to push me around and to do and say things that were hurtful, unsupporting, mean and aggressive. I did not like conflict, so I would never speak up or ask for what I needed. I wasn't assertive and never honored my own feelings and what I wanted. I just did what others wanted and became very unhappy and even began to be passive-aggressive. It wasn't until I hired my own life coach that I began to see how I was allowing others to treat me in this manner and that I had the power within me to be treated as I wanted to be treated. I learned that what I wanted was just as important as what the next person wanted. I decided it was time for me to be the driver of my life.

Here is what I learned and am going to share with you. You too can be in the driver's seat of your life and feel that you matter, not only to others but most importantly to yourself.

• Lesson 1: No one has the power to make you unhappy, feel bad about yourself or feel stupid. When you trust, love and honor yourself, you understand that it is all about the other person's insecurities. It's their inner critic that drives their behavior and has them acting in a non-supporting way toward others so that they feel good about themselves. Don't let them get to you.


• Lesson 2: Recognize that everyone (you and everyone else) has a basic need for being loved and accepted. This is what each person is fighting for, often at the expense of other people's feelings. It's not a personal attack.


• Lesson 3: It is A-OK to be selfish and put yourself first and ask for what you want. It's also important to note here that it's not what you say but often how you say it that really makes or breaks the situation. Ask for what you want in a way that won't ruffle any feathers.


• Lesson 4: Put yourself in the other person's shoes and ask yourself why might they be acting or behaving this way. Have you contributed in some negative way that has them doing what they are doing? Be honest in your assessment.


• Lesson 5: Always remember that you have the power within to change how you feel and respond to any situation. Be conscious of your feelings and remember the outcome you want in order to feel empowered from within. Think before you react.

Following these lessons -- which I also share with my clients so that they feel respected first by themselves and then by others -- will soon have you feeling more positive, happy and alive! The joy is in creating a life that you want, the life that you will be happy living. Perhaps you won't need a new job after all. Maybe you'll decide, with your newfound ways of being in your life and acting in your life, that your skills and talents would be best appreciated elsewhere. Either way, you have now put yourself in the driver's seat and the decisions are yours and yours alone. Happy driving!

Kim Ravida, owner and founder of Kim Ravida Coaching, is a Certified Professional Coach and a personal and professional motivation mentor. Kim motivates people to stop beating themselves up and helps them get off their butts so that they maximize their time and energy to quickly get what they want in their lives... and love their reflection! Kim produces a weekly ezine where she shares insights, inspirations, tips and ideas for setting and reaching personal and professional goals. To get more information or sign up, please go to http://www.kimravida.com.

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