Monday, 7 January 2013

How Men and Women Differences Impact and Influence Spiritual Growth and Spirituality

How Men and Women Differences Impact and Influence Spiritual Growth and Spirituality

By Roger Himes

Gender differences between men and women are unique. This effects spirituality and spiritual growth like you can't imagine. A best selling book describes these differences: "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus."

I'll address these gender differences -- these differences between men and women -- more in Part 2 of this article, as I do in a book that my wife Eileen assisted me in writing a few years ago: "WOMEN: Called to be Fathers of the Gospel."

Now, let's see how the gender of men, and that of women, are different in spiritual thinking. Let's see how 'men are from Mars,' and 'women are from Venus' - in Christian living.


Women and men are strikingly different in how they think about life. Men think in terms of success achievement, and women don't. Men think in terms of ruling and conquering, and women don't. This was predicted by God back in Genesis 3, when he said to Eve: "Your desire shall be for your husband, but he shall rule over you." Women most often don't think in terms of controlling and ruling men, but it's also true I have met some women who were very controlling.

There is a difference between head and heart thinking. Men think with their heads -- women with their hearts. Men concoct life in a 'formula' type of thinking: A plus B equals C. This allows them to achieve what they think they want, and their minds then create steps to achieve their goal. This gives them satisfaction. They create a 'paradigm' in their thinking that allows them to visualize steps, and map out a formula to get them to the destination they want to arrive at.


Men like a structured type of Old Testament thinking. This means they like rules that work, and principles and precepts they can count on to get them what they want. They relate to DOING something so they are GETTING something in return. The business world calls it 'ROI' -- return on investment. They think if they do good they will be blessed. If they do bad then they won't be blessed, and God won't favor them. It's a very practical type of thinking. Women relate more personally. They think more in terms of love and grace, which are New Testament truths taught by Jesus.

The Old Testament is a rule book. It started with one rule in the Garden of Eden. This progressed to 10 rules at Mount Sinai. Then the Pharisees introduced about 700 more rules. Men relate to this because rules can produce results. Their minds can comprehend this. Men's minds relate to this type thinking. They are on home turf here, and they are in their environment.


Women tend to relate from their heart, not their head. Men relate more from their head, not their heart. Women don't think so much in terms of RULES that will produce a RESULT. In fact, they know that RULES usually destroy RELATIONSHIP. The more rules you have, the less relationship is needed. We men like to visualize the end result: the goal and the destination. Women tend to see more of the journey that will lead them to the end result they desire.

Neither men nor women stand in concrete! We can both move and change! I know men who think more like women (I've been accused of this myself). Some women think more like men. As a Christian counselor who has given up on counseling and has now become a gospel life coach, I can testify that this is the way things are. Nothing is absolute. But there are tendencies.

Let me reiterate something I've already said: generally speaking, men live in their heads, but women live more in their hearts. This means that it is RELATIONSHIP thinking that drives women (God said: "Your desire shall be for your husband"). But men are more RATIONAL in their thinking (God says the tendency of men will be to rule over their wives).


Women like the PROCESS of romance (or if you prefer: relationship) -- whether with God or with their man. They want to know how the two of them work together to achieve a desired end and to bring about a good ways and means. Men are more PROGRAM driven and motivated: "Let's get the job done." Their reasoning tells them if they can work the PROGRAM, then they will get what they want and achieve their goals.

What this boils down to is that men are more OLD Testament based, and women are more NEW Testament based. Men, and Old Testament thinking, was very 'cause and effect' driven. "If I steal I may go to jail." -- "If I commit adultery, I may get AIDS, or I may get divorced or even murdered." Men know if they kick the dog, or the cat, they may get scratched or even bitten. It's a very cause and effect type thinking. It's very 'matter of fact.' It's a thinking that is very functional and practical.

Part two of this series will follow. Here, as THE GOSPEL COACH, I'll show you why the gospel is much easier for women than it is for men. In many cases, I'd much more deal with women than with men. Why? It's because women more readily relate to Jesus' FINISHED work, which is about relationship with both God and man. Men relate more to what he is going to do in the FUTURE. His finished work produces RELATIONSHIP, but his future work focuses on RESULTS.

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